Champions of Risk
Champions of Risk
When Sanity Overrides Integrity (Season 3 Episode 8)
When does integrity get in the way? I recently had to wrestle with this because of a health episode and it was a knockdown, dragged-out fight with myself. I take it seriously when I say I'm going to do something, show up for someone, or provide a completed product by a certain date. It's far from perfect, but it is a constant driver in my life. The opportunity is to be integral while keeping your sanity and in some cases, like the one I just went through, sanity needed to overrule all else. I'm sharing this experience in case you're going through a similar dilemma and hopefully what I've learned from this can help you, too.
Show notes:
Hello, I'm Michael W Kithcart, high performance leadership coach and the creator of the winning your way framework. Welcome to the champions of risk podcast, where I feature business leaders and high performance principles through shared stories of triumphs and tough calls. So you're better equipped to navigate ongoing uncertainty, take inspired action, and define what it means to be winning your way in business and in life. Hey, everyone, it's been a minute, and I wanted to come and share with you real life story of something that I recently experienced went through decisions that I made. And I just wanted to see if maybe what I went through, maybe connects with you too. So the title of this episode is when sanity overrides integrity, and to me that just kind of captures what I feel like I've witnessed a lot of others go through for varying reasons. And what I just recently went through myself. So here's, here's what happened. Recently, I woke up on a Saturday morning, with the room completely spinning. I couldn't sit up, I tried, I'd have to lay back down, I was super nauseous, I closed my eyes, went back to sleep woke up again. Same thing was happening. And I didn't know what was going on. When I finally got myself to sit up. I had trouble taking steps, I was off balance. And I realized that I had vertigo, and I've never had it before ever. I'm also not interested in ever having it again. I was so discombobulated right, I just I couldn't get my thoughts straight, my body wasn't working, right. And the other Michael is said, You've got vertigo, put your butt back into bed. And I was so bummed. Because this was like the first free weekend that we had had, in a really long time. And we had some fun activities planned, I was really looking forward to this weekend. And instead, I spent it in bed, you know, experiencing something that I have never ever experienced before I ended up sleeping most of Saturday. And in my mind, it was like, Okay, I finally just accepted the fact that I needed to be in bed and slept. And I just figured I'd wake up Sunday and everything would be back to normal. And it wasn't. And for any of you who have had vertigo, you know that that's not always the case, I have come to find out that there are a lot of people in my life and in around me that have experienced vertigo before. And I'm so sorry, I have now transformed from understanding vertigo, to truly knowing it. What I didn't know is what it was going to take for me to get on the other side of it. It didn't go away on Sunday. And on Monday, the work week, I was starting to figure out how was I going to navigate through this I was nauseous the whole time. If I turned my head at all, the room would just start spinning. It was hard to look at the computer, things were blurry, and I was just wiped out on top of it. But I also had a big week in front of me. I had presentations to make private coaching sessions, new project meetings plus just the other you know, things that you have to do over the course of the week. You know, I said I put out a weekly newsletter I had podcasts to record so that they went out on a consistent basis you get it you know the drill your life is like this to most likely right? I mean, your week looks something like what I just explained. And when things don't go according to plan, we have to pivot. I don't know about you, but like I'm okay pivoting in the moment for problem solving. But when it's my own my own reasons, my own health if I'm just being honest, right, that's getting in the way that's causing me to have to pivot. Um, I don't like it. I just don't it made me frustrated. And I was getting distressed because I was looking at my week and I was trying to figure out like, how am I going to get all this done? I still was in that mode right? First it was like oh vertigo go away in a day. Now. It hasn't now I still have it. So how am I going to go through my week according to plan while the room is spinning? And I feel like I'm going to puke Right, okay, like even now when I'm saying, it sounds a little bit ridiculous, if you were my coaching client and you're going through this, I would be saying to you like, Well, clearly, you're not going to be able to operate the same way this week. So let's talk about what's going to come off your plate. Yeah. Okay, that thought didn't occur to me when I was personally going through it. Until I really was forced to. And what was going through my mind at the moment, is I have to find a way to do everything that I said I was going to do in this week that I needed to maintain consistency in the things that I was doing that I had people depending on me, and I couldn't let them down. All of the stories were running through my head. And I really was kind of I was in this place where I was kind of like weighing the importance of me keeping my word. And my help, which one was going to win? Which one was going to be more important? As totally fucked up? Right? I mean, I get it, when I'm saying it, this is why I want to share it. Because I chances are, you've had some type of similar conversation with yourself at some other some time or another, right? There's this thing about integrity, doing what you say that you're going to do. And many of us strive for it. I know I do write in it. It's everything from meeting deadlines, to showing up for others to being integral with your word. So if you know you're not going to do something, just say no, from the beginning, don't just try to, you know, make an excuse down the road. What I find is that a lot of people are good at maintaining integrity, with others, like, making sure that you show up for the meetings on time, and if somebody needs you making yourself available. But what I was reminded through this vertigo episode is that there's also self integrity. And really, that's even more important. This is about keeping promises to yourself. And what I noticed is that there are many, self included who are great at maintaining integrity for others to others, but not so great at the self integrity. Like, it might look like you block out time to work out or work on a project. But you let somebody else's need override that and occupy the time it gets compromised, like a lot, right? So it's a note to self, that there's integrity for others, there's self integrity. And we have to maintain that self integrity for our sanity. And that is kind of what I mean by when sanity itself overrides integrity. I came to the conclusion, maybe four, I had to be forced to. But I did come up with the conclusion that my sanity was far more important than doing something just because I said that I would, I had to accept and own the fact that I was not going to be able to show up in the way that people needed me to if I kept everything on the calendar. If I completed that to do list, if I kept pushing forward on projects with deadlines that I had set for myself, I had to recognize that something needed to change. So I scaled down, I cancelled things, I rescheduled appointments, I pushed out deadlines, and I just flat out didn't do some things. And he wanted to know what happened. Like, the world did not blow up. Nothing really mattered. When it came down to it. People were very understanding and no one noticed that I wasn't consistent with my weekly offerings. Or if they were they didn't mention it. They didn't like reach out and say, Hey, where's that weekly newsletter you said you were gonna send out to us. So people were very gracious with me. I had to create a little bit more space in between meetings. I didn't just completely wipe off my calendar because I didn't feel like I needed to but I did slow down. I did rearrange. I did adjust and I did pivot. So then you would think like, Okay, you got the message. Well, just to make sure my body decided to have vertigo go into week two. I still like 10 days later had it and and I was trying all different kinds of things. Lots of methods, lots of doctors, lots of exercises, lots of changing of things, okay. And I was better by the second week, but I was still off balance. So I really like was just bouncing off of walls, the spinning, had for the most part stopped, except like when I lay down to go to sleep. But now, in week two, I was just like, I looked comical. But one day, I was feeling better. So I went out, I did all my appointments. And the next day, it was worse, it was like my body was telling me, You're not getting the message, you're not getting the message. So again, for the sake of my sanity, I let some things go. They seemed important to me a couple of weeks ago, but they really weren't. And they really aren't in the grand scheme of things. So I share this. Because oftentimes, what seems most personal is actually most common. And I'm hoping that in sharing what I learned out of this episode can be helpful to you, because it doesn't have to be vertigo, right? There are just times in our lives where it's necessary to break the cycle. And we have to like give ourselves permission, that it's okay that it doesn't make us a bad person. Because sometimes we really aren't able to do what we say we're going to do. And in the end, other people can't be more important than you. Because you can't show up the way that you want to when you're in a constant state of frenzy. And I'm saying you as the universal you because I'm saying this as much for you as I am for myself. Because right before that vertigo, you know episode, I was in a state of frenzy, I was moving hard and fast. And I wasn't taking time to slow down in part because I was super excited with all the things that I was doing. So I think sometimes that is the challenge in and of itself. Sometimes we are running full blast, because there's so much that is going on that we actually enjoy, and that we want to be doing that we want to be a part of that we want to create. And this is the notice that even in those moments, there is space and rest that is needed. What I learned from this vertigo episode is some added compassion, right? You know that there is that difference between understanding and knowing something. So before I had an understanding of people who have chronic illness that need to adjust in their day, because they just aren't feeling right, there's something that's off their medication isn't isn't right. And now I have a much better knowing of what it feels like to be really off like to have your body just not feel right to have your mind not work the way that you know that it usually does. So I feel like I got a whole huge heap of added compassion for people who just have some daily struggles or have some, you know, situational struggles, like vertigo, like just dealing with an illness. I also learned that there's a reason why well being is being talked about more and more, and why it is so urgent and necessary. Because my body had been sending me some signals that I was ignoring, right? I just like I got it, I got it. I'm just gonna get through this. I'm just gonna get to this deadline. I'm just gonna get to the end of the week. Does that sound familiar at all? Yeah, well, my body was sending me some message and I was just flat out ignoring it. So it decided to shut me down. And we want to in the ideal world, right? We want to prevent that from happening. And well being is a way to make that happen. I also learned that taking care of yourself doesn't mean that you lack integrity. It's actually being in self integrity. That makes your self care necessary, needed, and a part of who you ultimately are. It's part of your whole being. So I hope that in sharing this with you today that you can see maybe in your own life where sanity does need to override your integrity and that it isn't, doesn't make integrity completely void of you. But there are moments when your self integrity needs to trump everything else. Some would say it always needs to. And, you know, we can have that conversation at another time. For me, it was really getting my sanity back, right like finding that rhythm of what was going to be possible for right now, whether it was a day, a week, a month, a quarter, whatever it is, giving ourselves more permission to adjust could serve us all. So thanks for listening to this episode. If this connected for you, hey, I would love for you to just drop me a message in the comments section, either where you're listening to this or when you see the social post or send me a note. I want to know what your personal experience has been. And I will catch you on the next episode. Hey, before you go, though, I want to put out just a little teaser for something new that I'm creating in Minneapolis, and I'm so excited about this. It's winning your way for senior leaders. So this is going to be for women who are in mid to upper level management, where they've been meeting teams for years. And they're either not getting any professional development or what's being offered doesn't really match the level of leader that they want to be. So there are offerings out there, lots of them for new managers, right first time managers. And there's also a lot offered for the C suite. But the leaders who are sandwiched between the two have different challenges, needs and career goals. And if you're one of them, chances are, you're like nodding your head right now. Oh, I created winning your way for senior leaders to provide a leadership development experience that is just for you. And it's nothing like what you've gone through before. Oh, it is leadership transformation from inside out. And there are just so many little magical pieces that are going to be sprinkled throughout this year because it's a monthly in person peer group that provides a year long discovery, of learning of elevating your leadership effectiveness. And also designing what success looks like for you so that you're winning your way in your whole life with your whole self. This opportunity begins in May and it's limited to 12 senior leaders committed to reaching a new level of growth for themselves and others. It's not a networking group. This is I'm telling you this is going to be fullcontact pa fly what you're learning along the way, learn and grow, adjust, get to the next level. And you can find out more information about this where I lay out the whole program. What are steps if you're interested in want to find out more, just go to Michael W kithcart.com.